So last week, when I was driving somewhere with my brother, we were talking about classes and school and stuff when he informs me about this new girl that was in his grade and shared a class with him. Of course, there was nothing abnormal about this remark, for from time to time people switch schools, moving along with whatever cause they or their family had to migrate.
A day or so passes and I found myself once again playing League of Legends when my brother comes into my room with one of our friends, and informs me, in a very sudden tone, that this new girl, the one that had spent right around three days at our school, had committed suicide.
I was mortified.
I didn’t even know this girl, I had never seen her, I had heard almost nothing about her, heck, I probably wouldn’t be able to tell you what her name was, but this was absolutely petrifying to me. Petrification swirled in my mind with wonder and even anger at the thought of this girl, in her Sophomore year of high school, ending her life. I have heard from many people, especially older people, that the death of an innocent life, especially one of such a young age, is one of the worst things that we as a race are faced with. Never before had I understood how true this was.
All and any potential she had, everything that she could have done, could have been, every moment that was to be, is now lost, and that to me is one of the most unfair things I can possibly think of. What could have made her do something like this is beyond me, and it really isn’t my business.
The most haunting part about hearing about someone committing suicide is that if it does happen, and you were around that person a day or two before it became a reality, you become aware that you, through something as simple as talking or complementing that person, or even just smiling, could have been a contributing factor that would have stopped it. Even worse, and possibly the worst of it all, would be if you were mean or wrong to that person before hand. Doubt, nervousness, and worry would probably hold domain in your mind for quite awhile, and eat away at your conscience. This is the textbook reason why, even if you can’t stand a person, you should always treat them with respect and some sort of dignity or kindness, for at any moment, all of those things you said or did can’t be taken back, and you are trapped with your back against the wall with guilt. It is so hard though, to think of the unthinkable, to predict that someone who seems to be happy on the outside is actually a tempest of confusion and self-hatred on the inside, and to always be good, especially for someone like me who is rather shy and not very outgoing when it comes to people
I have done my best job describing how I feel about this situation, but I can’t seem to pinpoint all of the other squirming feelings inside of me.
My deepest and most sincere sympathies to the parents/brothers/sisters/aunts/uncles/cousins/friends/anyone else who knew this person. May her memory live on, and may she rest in peace.