I think today was the day I realized that, although schools appreciate great scores on standardized tests, it isn’t everything and shouldn’t be used as a guide line as to whether or not I should apply for a school. I am slowly starting to make progress on what colleges I want to apply to, and as I do, I become more terrified about expressing myself in an application. What if I can’t remember everything I’ve done? What if I leave something out? What if my voice isn’t what it should be because of my state of mind that day? There are so many obstacles, it seems, in trying to be yourself in an application because every question seems loaded, everything seems to have an underside that you don’t see until it’s too late. That is what I’m terrified of. I have dreams of someday being one of the 9-10% of people who are accepted into MIT, but with those statistics how can I even try to be confident in myself? And even if I do get in, how can my family and I expect to afford something like that? I love to dream big, but there seems to always be something holding me back. Everything just seems so daunting when you realize how small you actually are, especially if you want to make as large of an impact on the world as possible. I don’t just want to live the ordinary life that society has laid out for us, though. I want to use my love for physics and the sciences as a catalyst for what life has ahead of me, and whatever that may be, I want to make a difference. I want to be on the forefront of cutting edge innovations and scientific progress because that is awesome! and because I don’t want to drift into the sludge that is the nine-to-five-work-for-the-paycheck life that I seem to see so much of. That is what would make me happiest, and after all, isn’t that what it’s all about?

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