Organic soap must really get my brain signals moving because shower time has been particularly thought-provoking during the past week or so.
I started to think about the end. In general. The end of a day, the end of a week, the end of my senior year, the end of time… (I know, quite the chronological jump). I started to think about why everyone seems to loathe the end, why this man with a gun at the end of the tunnel seems to have us in his scope as we progress. Sure, it could be the sadness brought about by the end of good times with friends or family, or the end of a very exciting and enjoyable period of one’s life. These thoughts alone are enough to make me sick, knowing that everything is bound to come to an end, but there is something else, something much more sickening about the end. It is the opportunities we know we missed in the past that make the future (and the end) foreboding at times. Thinking about how I didn’t make the most out of a situation or seize everything that was offered to me disgusts me, almost physically. It is an awful thing, and to get over it is even harder. I hope that I can learn to live life to the fullest of my abilities and leave nothing up for chance (With boundaries, of course. Wouldn’t want to wrestle a bear to prove one’s masculinity). There has to be a way to overcome the sadness of the present and see the brightness the world has to offer in it’s full majesty, and not in random, short-lived bursts of light. I understand that one can’t be happy all of the time, but I feel like there is more out there that I’m not seeing.
I’m frightened of the future. At least for now. Time will tell.