Ducks in the Parking Lot

You can’t go insane yet! There’s still so much to be done!

And just like that, the rain turned into snow, and the Christmas season officially started. Prone on the bedroom floor, late into the night, eyes closed, being serenaded by a carol of the season. Some temporary bliss.

I have never really fully appreciated how much the snow sound-proofs everything. The subtle difference in noise is truly tremendous, and I really appreciate it.

I have begun my preemptive panic for next semester. I figure that, if I start stressing now, it won’t be as bad later on. Stress mitigation.

What do you integrate to find love? Care? Time? Both? I believe that love cannot be instantaneous, in the general sense. One cannot, and should not, simply take a derivative of the curve and find the instantaneous change of the function, but rather take the integral over the scope of the domain. This is how love should be measured, with all of the (defined) twists and turns of the curve, being careful to stop and break between the asymptotes, and keeping in mind that sometimes the area under the curve can be negative, in the mathematical sense. Integrate, to find the real value. People just have different limits, is all.

I am obsessed a new thought experiment/theoretical conjecture that I have whipped up as I have been learning more about the physical world:


*cue sparklers, confetti, and an angelic choir*

I am very intrigued by this idea. I propose that a theoretical, uncertainty-based monopole that, within the bounds of Schrödinger-like uncertainty, is possible. A monopole is like a magnet, but only half of the magnet (in a very simplified and incorrect sense). Imagine you have a bar magnet with a north and south POLE. Now, imagine having only ONE of those poles. MONOPOLE. You can’t really just cut it in half, because then you just have two dipole magnets. Yeah… Of course, I’m not advanced enough to hash out the details of this, but I’ll keep this on the back burner till grad school I guess.

Boy oh boy, have my dreams been wonky.

I saw some ducks in the parking lot the other day. Swimming. I bet they don’t have parking passes.

And at night, I go somewhere else to sleep, because I don’t fall asleep well here. My mind goes somewhere else, anywhere else. Not too far, mind you, just enough to ride the wave of fatigue until the break. I’ve been missing home.

I have been continually seeking out the question of what is really important to me ever since the beginning of the semester, and I think I’m making some progress. It goes something like this:

I want to assist (hopefully in a large part) in the preservation and continuation of the happiness and life experiences that we, as a species, have the pleasure to indulge in.

I’m still working on the official wording and structure, but essentially I want to make sure that people generations from now have the opportunity to fall in love, and listen to the snow fall, and ride bikes, and laugh with friends, and eat ice cream, and learn about the universe, and experience all of the good things that we, as a species, have the incredible chance to enjoy. We get to apply meaning to things, and that’s pretty darn cool. Eventually, we are going to need to get off of the Earth, and unless we start figuring out how, I’m scared that the human race will become extinct due to some *inevitable* natural doom. Or some kind of end. Like the sun dying. I want to help with this endeavor, in whatever way I can. I want to preserve what we have. This gives me some kind of purpose. The universe is pretty big, but I’m excited. It’s overwhelmingly intimidating, but I’m excited.

This season’s sun is becoming a stranger earlier than usual. It’ll come back, though, and pay forth what it took during the evening in the early morn. Hopefully I won’t sleep through it.

It’s been pretty okay, mostly. Hope that you are doing well. 😀


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